So You’re From the South…You Probably Dress Like an A**hole

So it’s the year 2004… Space-age technology is such a thing of the past, we don’t even give a shit anymore. Satelites, men going into space, livin up there for years…no one cares, we decided to tighten shit down here first. We have all this technology that’s more and more powerful, yet more and more tiny. Computers run the world, the internet is completely rampent through every household … and somehow through all of this we have people who still think they are cowboys in the Wild West.

I don’t get it, I though that was history. You know, somehow…each generation of time in this country came with its own style. I mean, take for instance, the Hippie:

I think the philosophy was simple here…wear a lot of colors, and no one can say you don’t match. (Although I gotta say, the red and yellow she’s got goin is kinda turnin me on, I may have to let this one go and forgive her.) But seriously, this was a bad one. It was like the ultimate rebellion. I guess it was just the freedom to do that. I remember looking at my dad’s yearbook and school pictures and all of the children had to wear white colored shirts and black slacks. Somehow in a span of 10 years or so, we got to wearing EVERY color in the rainbow. I once read a book in philosophy, and the topic of one story was how freedom of choice will be heavily exercised when it isn’t allowed. Before God had given us freedom, he was conversing with the devil about freedom of choice or not, and they experimented with some dude. When God relinquished control of the poor sap, he started flopping around the floor and making goofy noises, just because he could. Anyway, the world was a stupid place at this time because I wasn’t born yet, and I think any of my incarnations didn’t take place here either, so these people’s lives were meaningless.

Then we had the 90s grunge look… somewhere in the 90s, some douche bag from the other side of the country decided that he wasn’t going to shower, shave, or change anymore. My mom used to tell me I was dirty if I did that and yelled at me. It was only a day or so before this happened too. This guy did it though, and suddenly, everyone started doing it. Then some half wit around this time, was in his bathroom and forgot what the funny looking big thing did. He recognized the sink and the toilet…and then it all came back to him. He showered. He told all his friends about his experience. They all realized how much they missed it. Before you knew it, being clean and tidy had some merit to it once again. People didn’t care if it was not thinking out of the box, or working within the system, they just wanted to stop smelling like an arm-pit. Then all of the people who grew out of their silly “no-clenliness” phase moved onto get jobs and have happy responsible lives.

I could go on for hours picking apart all weird phases of dress, but the purpose is to pick at one… the COWBOYS!

Ah the Cowboy…rip-roarin, cattle russlin’ tough-guy. Never mess with this gun slinger, for he’s bound to slap leather at any moment and fill you full of lead…but that was 150 years ago or so. Now you tell me… all of the attire you see above…isn’t around much anymore. Anyone who is still “grunge” has no friends because they are dirty. Anyone who dresses like the hippie is either in costume for some reason, or has since modified the look to at least better accomodate the 21st century. The cowboy however…somehow survived. Did they not get the memo? We’ve changed, we’ve evolved, it’s just not the same anymore, and yet, you have a whole half a country dressing like this. I mean, don’t you realize how silly it would be if a particular place in a country started dressing like, the 1700s? Imagine me:

This takes me back…for school, as a project, I had to take an image and put my face in it. So here’s a picture with the 1700s running wild. Now, if I dressed like this, wig and all, I’d be laughed off the planet. What I don’t understand is, who decided that this style was now old-school and dressing like a cowboy was okay? Does that make any real sense. I think it’s only fair that we respect all the time periods of this country…or ANY country’s history if we’re to respect one of the dumbest. Oh well, enjoy being a cowboy…while driving your cowboy car and checking your cowboy e-mail.

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