Ms. Wagner? Grave Mistake

When I was in the 2nd grade…things were arranged like this…we had 2 teachers. See, teachers upstate weren’t smart enough to teach us Math as well as English…as well as Science AND Social Studies. We had to be switching 2wice a day. Now, my MAIN teacher was Ms. Williams. She was nuts, no doubt about it. Then across the hall, is Ms. Wagner, the OTHER teacher…the one good at math. Now, this makes her a secondary teacher. I owe my 2nd grade education to Williams, Wagner just filled in the holes.

Fast Forward a year.

It’s not 1991. I’m 9, and in the third grade. It was a Saturday and my Little League baseball team (the Tigers) was going to have a practice. We liked practices. It made us stronger, faster, better. Anyway, I got there a tad early, so I headed over to the school playground, and figured I’d kill some time there. Who should come along with a storm cloud over her head, casting a fucking shadow over the whole god-damn afternoon, but Ms. Fucking Wagner. So I’m doing my thing on the playground…and suddenly, I had to spit…and spit I did. She looks at this from afar and approaches me, telling me that is “disgusting” and “not to do it again.” Then a little while later, I was down on the ground of the playground (we had a lot of wooden structures above the gravel). I picked up a fist of gravel. After throwing it, not at anyone, just in the air, to have a lil fun, the shadow returned. I turned around. IT’S MS WAGNER, SHE’S HERE! NO! NO! DAMN HER! Ms. Wagner actually had the balls to reprimand me again, and this time threaten me with disciplinary action! Let’s review what is wrong with this situation:

  • It was Saturday
  • I was in *THIRD* grade, not second
  • She wasn’t my real second grade teacher anyway
  • She’s a middle-aged woman, what is she doing in a playground for elementary schoolers anyway?

So I’m just trying to have some fun, and she’s coming out like the fucking Queen of England, “Don’t do this, don’t to that, rawr!” This was one of those stories which the more I thought about it over the years, the angrier I got when I realized she was completely wrong. Otherwise, I liked Ms. Wagner before that. After that moment, however, it changed. I saw her as a dark shadow casting it’s evil on my childhood. I felt her projecting what little power she had outside of her district. How dare she try to assert herself on a Saturday to me like that! Well now it’s 2005, a whole 14 years later…and I still remember as clear as a bell. Well as everyone knows, I don’t let things die without complaining bitterly, especially when I feel I was right. So if by chance, anyone feels like expressing their anger to Ms. Wagner, I made sure to find her EMAIL ADDRESS. I could leave you all her phone number, but I’ll let it stay at this level for now. I want anyone whose known me for a number of years to think back. If you ever wronged me … I warn you … I’m coming, and Hell’s coming with me!


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