A Government History Lesson, M2J Style

What’s the dilly with everything lately? For many years there was a very simple structure to people’s roles in society. I can’t speak for everywhere in the world, but this applies strongly to America. Let’s start with the government. For those of you not up to speed on American history, here’s a quick crash course: Back when the country was put together, millions of years ago (okay, like 230 years ago) we were at war with [Not So] Great Britain. Why? Well there was some dude over there named George who decided he was boss of the world, which for the most part was correct. Anything Britain wanted, they took. Basically, they were an empire. Now, we being America…at the time “The Colonies,” whom were under British rule, we figured, “No prob, we’re part of the big empire and since we pay taxes, there rests no doubt in our minds that our opinion matters.” Well, George the Douche King basically told us that wasn’t the case. We paid taxes, but uh, what we wanted or thought didn’t matter. So in a nutshell, we said, “Oh fuck this then…” and then we stopped paying taxes dumped a buncha tea out and kicked the shit outta them. I wasn’t alive to give any personal account of the events that took place, but I have many confirmed reports from trusted sources that say something like, George Washington yelled something out to the British survivors when they were on their battered boat headed home, something like, “Piss off, Fuckers!” I think he flipped them the bird too. So it was around this time that a buncha our forefathers got together and decided that we were gonna be our own country now. The United States of America was born. We made an Independence Declaration, but since this was the 18th century people used to say everything backwards to sound smart, it was called “The Declaration of Independence.” Grouped together with the Rights Bill (again, reversed so “Bill of Rights”) and some other stuff, we now had what was called “The Constitution.” Luckily it was only one word, so no backwards nonsense. Anyhoo, Laws were passed, many simple, but timeless, designed with great ideas of what was to come in the future. What was it that made America different? It was that the PEOPLE would run the country. At the time, this was like … what podcasting is today. The comparison simply meaning it was relatively new and while it had some traction, it was still a new way of doing things.
So now we had established that people would run America. No dumb kings or churches, the people would be the ones who decided what was best for the people. The common man was meant to run the country. Farmers, blacksmiths, grave-diggers…all potential leaders of the country…as well as any other political job that had an opening. The politicians would simply vote on bills, laws, amendments, work with the treasuries and deal out the money as per needs and fundings to be had, and then go back to their 9-5 once that work was over. How did you become a politician? Easy, your fellow man would have to be convinced you were understanding of what he wanted or needed. Ideally we had a country that ran on common folk adjusting things as they went along to make things better, ultimately, any decisions would benefit them as they would everyone! Something happened though. Somehow, at some point in our history…being a politician became a full time job. It became more and more important and eventually the law-makers and leaders of the free world were too important to be the “common man.” Suddenly, what we had was no longer politicians, but Royalty. The only difference is, they didn’t call it royalty, they kept the same names to the different ranks. Something else happened, the worst part of all…people got used to this…for the most part.
What happened next? we had a bit of a war on our hands. See, basically the Southern part of the country thought that they could basically be stupid morons and get away with it. They decided to make their own laws, ideals, money, and my favorite, made their own stupid flag. It was such a rip off of the originial and that is just in such bad taste. [scoffs] So the smart, handsome, sophisticated heroes of the North paid them a visit and basically wiped the floor with them, banged all their women, pissed on their flag and headed back home. Again, just a rumor I heard, but I have it on good word that Abe Lincoln would try to be proper and just snap, saying things like, “Well I want America to get along, but the south is just like a retarded brother to the north and they’re just a bunch of dumb hillbilly southern yucks.” You gotta love that man. He had balls. So even though the war was over and the North had clearly won…the south began doing things their own way. What this means is…the wrong way. They started all making outlandish claims, like that they won. Sometimes claiming that the war wasn’t over…they also spent a lot of time in church, perfecting their goofy accents and all talking about how sinful and bad premarital sex was…all the while having a lot of premarital sex. They have some weird Barbecue fetish too. Fucking wackos. I think it’s every southerner’s dream to lick BBQ sauce off of Jesus’s penis or something…while being sodomized and plotting to lie about it. Enough about them though, this is about America.
So we now have half the country being BBQ Jesus freaks. The other problem, is we have half the potential royalty of tomorrow coming from this land. Easy pickins, the new blood starts hollering about how when he’s in office, he’s gonna run things like Jesus did, and viola, he’s elected. All hail king BBQ Jesus. So with all uneducated people who from the south electing the few people with a greater mind than most from the south…a devious mind for the most part… slowly we have Jerk-off Southerners running the country (that’s the North and the South sadly). Even though we are supposed to separate church and state, the BBQ Jesus freaks of the south don’t feel that way…and part of their religion is simply making everyone have to think like them, or they are infidels. You can equate them to the Borg…give yourself 2 points if you got that reference.
Let’s review real quick. We go from free thinking commoners of the 18th Century being chosen to make the one nation we all share as perfect for all of it’s people as possible…to ultra conservative suppressive dickwads basically controlling their empire with an iron fist. They don’t even have to try now that the ball’s rolling. No one takes time to learn anything anymore! You see a name on the ballad, you choose one … if you’re even gonna vote, which plenty of people for the most part don’t for some strange reason. What do we have to show for it now? A nation which I personally once pledged to every day, making note of key terms like, “indivisible” and “liberty” now torn apart. One good way to judge how a country is doing is simply to look at the spectrum of money. If the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, something has gone terribly wrong. Well I’d say something HAS gone terribly wrong. Fatcat owners of huge companies, be them retail, record companies, motion pictures…and especially monopolistic companies like phone companies are nearly royalty themselves. The government once for the people, who would never stand for this kind of corruption and bastardization of the free world, is gone now and replaced by the elite royalty of which we are now under the rule of. Rather than help those in need, they collect money from everyone…collect YOUR money and spend it on…regulating radio to make sure shock jocks don’t say words like “fart” or tap Internet traffic to see what kind of google searches you and I do. I’m not sure how it has come this far, but it has. The powers that be have become too strong and the majority of their time in power is to figure out how to keep themselves in power and you beneath them. It has been this way for a while, but it wasn’t as publicly flaunted with prior kings of America. What makes Bush an amazing president, yes amazing, is that he is such a fucking buffoon, that he can’t even keep any of this stuff hidden from us. He’s almost flaunting it right before our very eyes, that this is how the government is, whether we [the people] like it or not…and SOMEHOW got re-elected…well again, I forgot I can chalk that up to the BBQ Jesus south.
In ‘clusion [my world, my words] I could easily blame the south for a lot of the problems with this country. In fact, I think I have done that somewhat and surely my feelings of this come through in this …dare I call it an article? But, blame only tells us whose responsible and after a certain point, focusing on blame only becomes I fixed up a nice pic of the White House to look like a castle...since that's what it really is...a White Castle! LAWL!counter-productive when more time can be spent on the solution. What is the solution? Well sadly, no one has a clear cut solution or…let’s face it, it’d be done with. However, why don’t we learn from what’s been stated above. Let’s maybe try and unify what our goals are. How about becoming more educated in politics. Learn a thing or two, don’t just wander in to the booth and throw away a vote. Being a politician is a cushy job with a lot of perks. Dick Chaney is basically a robot…and he shot someone for no reason. In the movie Robocop, Robocop tries to arrest the chief of the Detroit Police and within like seconds, he’s being shot at from every direction with orders [promptly followed] to have him destroyed. Dick Chaney though…shoots someone and no one gives a hoot. Getting to the point, being a politician is like royalty…and if politicians actually were under pressure to be applicable at their jobs…knowing if their weren’t that they’d be out on their ass, they might actually perform to some level above sub-standard. Fuck man, we live in a country where you can work a full time job and come away with like…less than 300 dollars a week and right of the bat the same government keeping you making this little amount of money takes almost a third of it?? Well this is fine by the people keeping things this way… while they’re eating their lobster dinners and smoking fine Cuban cigars…which you and me can’t buy because that’s illegal and only the rich and powerful are above the law. Please everyone, especially those of you who say things like you’re not that political or “I don’t follow politics…” …fucking follow politics! Shit if you had to hire someone to fucking garden you would at least meet them and evaluate them a little. You’re gonna tell me anyone could just waltz the fuck in to rule the country and you “don’t follow politics.” Fuck you! You don’t have to know the guy’s stance on everything, just watch one debate, read one newspaper. You know how when you write papers for just about anything, school/work at least, you tend to try and optimize the spelling and grammar? Well tell me how someone who shows what an ignorant douche bag he is like Bush can king of America when the fucking guy can’t spit out a complete sentence.

Look at him. He's so evil! Get him Plane! On a personal note, I am sorry to have put any readers who know me as being a little more lax and fun-loving through this read, but I have had so much pent up aggression and rage with this…I finally had enough. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always been a bleeding-heart patriot. I’ve always loved America and always was proud to be an American. I’m the guy that owns a billion different varieties of USA bandannas, shirts, and other attire. I’m the guy who gets a hard-on on July 4th. I’m the kinda guy that memorized all the songs this country has dedicated to it. I’m the fucking guy who wears red, while and blue feather boas on American holidays and isn’t embarrassed to be patriotic. A snap-assessment now would be to turn my back on this country and say I’m no longer and patriot or I’m anti-American. However, it dawns on me that this isn’t the case…I’m a REAL American! I didn’t turn my back on this country, nor did it turn it’s back on me. We let a few people with sticks up their asses ruin it for all of us and I know I’m not alone as a real American, patriotic or not, you’re out there. If you ever couldn’t pay a bill or had to eat fruit and cold-cuts for a week, washing it down with nothing but water just to get by because your fucking rich fat cat boss decided that bringing home 200 dollars a week is more than enough for any average person … then you’re a real American too! It’s long about time we take back our country and get things back how they were supposed to be…some sort of semblance of how our forefathers planned things out. Oh, and if you’re from the south…take note that just about every culture’s silly myths and superstitions are long since dead…Jesus turning potatoes into French fries or whatever the fuck he did that made him so popular is just another myth and you people have to learn that when guy can’t say big words like “nuclear” and is a burned out coke-head, he shouldn’t be president because he likes Jesus so much. You’re better off electing a guy whose really into spiders or something, at least spiders are real and accounted for. Thank you.


Wanna bitch back? Feel free to do so.

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